Now I know.
Monday, November 30, 2009 at 4:17PM Please pay attention, this is for your benefit.
If Paul Hogan taught us anything about survival in the outback or on the city streets, he certainly demonstrated that the ability to discern a knife from other, less useful and possibly extraneous objects is crucial.
Sure you laugh now, until you find yourself trapped in a canyon by a bloodthirsty koala and all you have going for you is an under-ripe piece of tropical fruit.
This stuff may seem elemental, but you'd be surprised how many Americans, Europeans and even Asians find it difficult to distinguish weaponry from footwear.
I know. I was thrown when I first saw it too. Absolutely gob-smacked. All this time I could have mistakenly had a prominent American cleric strapped to my waist.
This entry was provided as a public service. Please, before traveling anywhere, be sure you know how to recognize a knife from a member of the mustelid family. No matter how cute it is, it will do you no good in defending yourself from kerchief-wearing eighties street toughs.
All right then, we can all rest soundly tonight. You're welcome.
Special thanks to those of you who corrected my taxonomy of the ferret.
Reader Comments (52)
I have always had difficulty with telling the difference between rodents & knifes. Thanks to your very informative blog post I now feel safe to walk the ghetto at 1am knowing that I will no longer have a rat strapped to my wrist. Thank you kind sir.
I don't know, I'm still somewhat confused on the whole knife issue. I mean, it seems a LOT of things just aren't knives.
I'm so glad you got to go on this trip, how amazing! I'm jealous but really happy for you.
Wow, sounds like advanced knifey-spooney.
I once defended myself in a streetfight using a Unitarian that I sharpened to a point on the curb - it wasn't better than a pointed stick, to be sure, and certainly wasn't a knife, but the very properties of a Unitarian incorporate elements of all handheld self-defense weaponry, so it was enough for the task at hand....
Now rodents, that's just silly. Everyone knows rodents are best used in ballistic or projectile applications....
Interestingly, there are also people who have difficulty distinguishing members of the rodent family from members of the mustelid family.
Actually, Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen had a rosary made of steel pellets that he could fling like a slingshot at attackers, troublesome politicians, lazy cue card guys, and the like. He also could wield his Emmy like a shillelagh.
I'm not sure about the rumors that his bodyguards were a phalanx of razor-edged-yardstick wielding nuns known informally as the Sisterhood of the Killer Penguins. I think that was a rumor started by Cardinal O'Connor back in his bishop days to take the edge off of Sheen's rep (The Hammer of 42nd Street).
That's a ferret, people. Not a rat. In a game based entirely on identification skills, you lose. Makes me think you would also lose knifey/spoony.
Sensei, I'm still a tad confused. What would I do if one of my choices happened to be George Washington Carver?
Your lack of acquaintance with actual live mustelids has been betrayed. A ferret would be a MUCH more dangerous weapon in a fight than any knife.
well, if all else fails (and if you just happen to be standing near the man), you can always just threaten the said thugs with Paul Hogan himself. He's proven (at least in that clip) that HE has a knife, so you wouldn't be at a total loss...
honestly, though, were i in the blonde's place, i'd be half-way up that pillar out of self-preservation, regardless of Hogan's knife.
spy gadget stores are neat because they actually stock plush ferret knife cases and mitres with knife compartments. i heard the deluxe mitre is on sale which includes a knife in holster, taser, poison dart shooter, pie thrower and verbal taunter. batteries included.
Reading this post made me realize how much I miss your cerebral sneezings. Do you still do the occasional NPR editorial piece? Where can I find more of this stuff you do? (apart from rifftrax -- already one of the annointed)
You could throw angry ferrets in the faces of kerchief-wearing eighties street thugs.
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